Jul 24, 2012

Armpits and Bad Service

You know where armpits and bad service go hand in hand? The Airport! Why is it that you CANNOT go to the airport without smelling someones nasty, foul, four day old pizza smelling, stank, putrid, ghastly, funk armpits? Every. Time. Wafting..Just wafting..

There I was innocently trying to load two of my precious, gorgeous children onto a plane to Kansas today. The stupid cantankerous beaver(*note-I wanted to use a stronger word here but, I've been cleaning it up) whom I tried to get help from sent me to the very far desk to wait my turn, whereupon I did indeed wait. And wait. For an hour. Behind a man who had been standing there waiting for two hours. The lady 'helping' him, never acknowledged us. Not once, not even a nod. Finally, after I had gone over to ask for a supervisor three times, it was finally my turn.. And we were in the wrong line.

Of course we were! I had only asked three different people where to go, how could we not be in the wrong place? Mercifully, after her being rude to me, rude to my daughter (hello? is she that stupid?) with tickets in hand we descend to security and wait some more in the mouse maze, only to be told that Vapid McCandytits didn't give me a gate pass, so I had to kiss my kids really quick and send them on their way.. alone. Whaaat? Alone? I know..They are 17, and 13.. Not Babies. But still, I am paranoid Mom. I don't let my daughter walk to the playground to play with her friends. unless she has other friends walking with her, and even then I worry. Paranoid Mom.

Then, I had to leave the airport, with a panic attack, trying to breathe, trying not to cry in front of people, because I despise people seeing me cry, and wait in the car, just to make sure they did indeed get on the plane safely.

I had to restrain myself mightily not to go back over to that desk and have a little chat with Vapid, now that the kids weren't there to witness their Mom be a Monster Bravo. But, I was already too far beyond outraged.. You know that point you reach when you are crying mad? And then you are even more angry because you are? Yeeeeaaaaah. It wouldn't have been pretty. I would have looked like a crazy person, and been on the news, and embarrassed my family and friends. And they would have been all "Oh it's OK Kelly, anyone would have lost it" When really they would have been thinking "Kelly has finally flipped her noodle!, we knew it was coming!"

Now, I feel all incomplete..and unfinished. If anyone needs someone to tell her she's an Alpha Hotel, it's her, and I missed my chance for it to be me!






6 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that happened to you! The part about the kids, I mean, and the part about not being able to strap Vapid to the wing of the plane:)

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  2. Thanks you!

    "There's a Vapid on the wing!" ..

    "She's in time out Sir, drink your cocktail!"

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  3. Vapid McCandyTits...I so need to use that in a full sentence in the next 24 hours!

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    1. Thanks! I think it fit her perfectly.

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  4. Oh, I suspect she already knew she was douche nozzle, people like that always do, but don't care. That's why they're douche nozzles.

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    1. True, I think she probably knew and just didn't give a shit! Douchy Douche Nozzle!

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